(My picture got cut off.. this blog post is about SELF-CARE and not elf car! Haha)
To some people, self-care is a massage and yoga, or perhaps a spa day or relaxing bath. This is what culture leads us to believe is important for self-care. And if these things do recharge you, that is fantastic. I certainly love to pamper myself from time to time.
However, to me, particularly in the context of life with chronic illness, self-care is more of an inner state of being that’s rooted in self-love. It’s also about being in-tune with your needs at a given moment in time and prioritizing them instead of doing things you feel you are “supposed” to be doing to meet the expectations or standards of others.
Particularly, I think that self-care should encompass daily practices to enhance the following 5 areas:
- Healthy boundaries with yourself and others
- Nervous system regulation
- Self-esteem and self-worth
- Embracing intuition and empathic nature (without draining yourself)
- Being still and present
SELF-CARE AND BOUNDARIES
“Self-care means you recognize the relationship you have with yourself & prioritize it. This means you have to put in intentional effort to sustain it. Sometimes it means calling yourself out on the things you are doing that aren’t the most healthful for you.” -@seedsofasoul
That’s right… self-care can also involve introspection on thoughts/beliefs/activities that may not promote your best interests. Self-care means establishing boundaries with yourself and those around you and staying firm in those boundaries, and this is one of the hardest parts for many of us.
Within these boundaries, you may need to pace yourself and/or adjust your daily activities depending on what is going on in a particular day. Accepting physical and/or mental limitations with compassion toward yourself is a big part of this. Surround yourself with others who are respectful and mindful of what your life looks like and the adaptations that help you through the day. Get comfortable saying “no.” Identify sources of toxic positivity (either within yourself or in those around you) and stand firm in changing them.
“I hope you know that it’s not really selfish to want what’s best for you, but if society is going to call it selfishness – then go ahead and be as selfish as you need to be.” –Alysha Waghorn
Self-care is not selfish, but many people can lead you to think that it is. Taking care of ourselves in the way we see fit is a prerequisite for meaningful relationships and being able to engage with those around us and even to take care of others. Put on your own oxygen mask first!
SELF-CARE AND THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
“An essential part of self-care is having the right type of people for your nervous system in your life.” – Lalah Delia
I love this quote by Lalah Delia. For the longest time, as a people-pleaser I fought to make relationships work even when I felt that the other person’s energy was difficult to adapt to. Only recently have I begun to realize how much the energy of those around me impacts my own health.
If you find yourself feeling like you’re consistently in fight or flight (nervous or anxious, feeling the urge to move or flee, unable to relax, heart rate and breathing increases, sweating) you need to determine what person or situation is causing that. The sympathetic chain level of nervous system regulation was never intended to be present in our everyday life, but trauma can shift our nervous system into a state of chronic hypervigilance.
Similarly, certain individuals and scenarios can leave us feeling stuck, frozen, lost, depressed, hopeless, foggy, and paralyzed. This indicates a shift into what we call (in the lens of the polyvagal theory) a state of dorsal vagal tone. This nervous system state is more subtle but can be extremely detrimental to us.
If you’re feeling either of these nervous system states around another human or in a particular workspace, building or other scenario, LISTEN TO IT. Your body is trying to tell you that something’s not right. If certain relationships are consistently shifting your nervous system into dysfunction, it may be time to reevaluate those relationships.
Self-care in the form of nervous system regulation also involves proactive exercises and practices to help recognize when you shift into a less-desirable state and to bring you back to a place of peace, joy and connectedness (what is called ventral vagal tone with the polyvagal theory). For individuals with chronic conditions, this can include formal nervous system programs (like DNRS or the Gupta program), auditory therapy (such as the Safe & Sound Protocol or Brain Tap), breath work, exercises to self-soothe from a tactile perspective, and cervical spine alignment exercises. (If you’re interested in learning more about these options, I teach clients all about this approach through my work with Origin Wellness. Visit www.originwellnesscolorado.com to learn more.)
SELF-CARE AND SELF-WORTH
“An enormous act of self-care is when you decide not to pursue the attention of someone who isn’t emotionally available to you.” – Jullian Turecki
Recognize the relationships that are uneven in your life. If you find yourself chasing after a relationship or friendship that feels one-sided, reflect on whether this person should be part of your time, effort, and energy.
It’s all too easy to fall in the trap of basing your self-worth off what others think of you. Our culture often magnifies this problem as we attempt to reach unrealistic levels of what success looks like as a parent, working professional, athlete, spoonie, etc. Social media often adds to this burden and fosters a level of comparison that depletes our self-worth.
Spend time loving yourself and reminding yourself how important you are to yourself. Write out affirmations and create daily practices that help build you up instead of tearing yourself down. Speak your truth and love yourself for it. If you’re spiritual or religious, remind yourself of the truths about yourself that come from God and the gift of grace – that you don’t have to earn anything. You are loved and beautiful and enough, just as you are.
SELF-CARE, INTUITION AND EMPATHIC NATURE
“As empaths we’re not here to be sponges or enablers. We’re here to be helpers, guides and supporters.” –Aletheia Luna
Many individuals who experience chronic health ailments are highly intuitive or empathic in nature. Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, or the ability to place oneself in another’s position. Being an empath is truly a gift, but without the right tools, it can also be draining to take on other people’s energy.
If you feel that you have empathic tendencies, it’s important to recognize ways that this gift may deplete you and to set into motion proactive ways to take care of yourself and shield yourself from the energy of those around you.
Click here for a nice article that talks about some specific ways to do this.
“I used to think I was introverted, because I really liked being alone, but it turns out that I just like being at peace, and I am very extroverted around people that bring me peace.” –Myriah Moon
As discussed above, part of this process may also involve reevaluating relationships in your life to make sure you surround yourself with the right type of people. It may also involve reframing your daily schedule to allow for the breaks and down time that you need to avoid burnout.
Another aspect of self-care involves trusting and leaning into your own intuition. This can be difficult if you’ve experienced trauma at the hands of the medical system (or beyond), but it’s so important. Once you increase faith in yourself, you’ll begin to pick up on subtle signals that help you make everyday decisions as well as larger decisions. Deep down, your body knows how to heal, so work on awareness of this and embrace your intuition about opportunities and decisions that come your way.
SELF-CARE AND BEING PRESENT AND STILL
“You are worth the quiet moment. You are worth the deeper breath. You are worth the time it takes to slow down, be still and rest.” –MHN
Numerous strategies can help you to stay open, grounded, present and growing through your mental self-care journey. Journaling, sessions with a therapist, developing healthy coping strategies, promoting positive self-talk, gratitude practices, cuddling with a pet or human, tapping into creative energy through music and art, and meditation/mindfulness are all wonderful tools to have in your box. Trying new things and getting curious can be tremendously healing.
Make sure you have some time devoted to “doing nothing” to allow yourself to reflect and grow. Get comfortable with stillness and find peace in the quiet moments.
A NOTE ON PHYSICAL SELF-CARE
If you follow these principles, you’ll find it’s also easier to prioritize the physical self-care components of everyday life that help you thrive.
Things like prioritizing sleep, focusing on hydration, getting “x” amount of nutritious homemade meals in per day, completing physical exercise each day, and committing to clean drinking and shower water sources are examples of physical everyday practices that can help facilitate healing. Physical self-care can involve aspects of bowel hygiene, pacing, and rest. It can involve lymphatic support like skin brushing or detox support like an infrared sauna. It can mean time in nature and earthing/grounding or breath work.
Physical self-care looks different for everyone, even if they have the same conditions or diagnoses. It’s important to identify and tap into the routine practices that are most important for your physical well-being.
With a foundation of mental and emotional self-care support (the 5 main principles above) on board, the rest typically falls into place.
